What am i doing??

Hmm...it's been very looong eyh....
Don't know why but out of all day..i feel like writing today...
*act, i'm running from reading my super loong n full of theories text book.. Urghh
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I've been in loove with arashi (a japanese boy band) eversince 7 years ago but this year, i kind of like experiencing a BOOM!! I watched..listened..read everything bout them..well, you can say, my life now is like having them by my side...they are like my daily drug dosage!

But..........

I know, as a muslim, i have to put my GOD, ALLAH n HIS MESSENGER Muhammad pbuh first infront of evrything..no matter how much i love someone, that love can't be higher than love towards my religion...it is the only way of staying in the right path..it is the the only way to keep me from straying.....
I have been thinking you know, i really want to master japanese..so that i can watch arashi's video without waiting for the sub crazily n unpatiently...then a thought strucked me :
" how bout arabic? Why don't you have the urge of learning it? Don't you want to understand what is been stated in the Qur'an? Don't you want to understnd what you say in your prayers??"
That thought made me feel guilty against my own feeling...
The interest to learn arabic just never appear! Sometimes i feel sick of myself! Putting something else in front of my own religion...well, maybe you don't feel like that but i do and i feel disgusted at that fact!

That's why, like how they are my daily drug dosage... I will make sure i take the daily medicine as well.. -reading The Qur'an- so that i won't forget who i am; a Muslim...

Truthfully saying, i am afraid of the future..not knowing of what awaits me...my death..the afterlife..it is too unknown to all humans that make it too unimaginable and too scary...
I am scared of the future.. Here you can see that i am a person that plan something ahead..i want things to go well by planning it..so if i am clueless about the future...it makes me scared! It is true that :-

'human plans and God is the one that decide which HE is the BEST DECIDER for HE is the MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE....'

I have been holding on to this phrase to spark confidence in me.. But when it comes to death and afterlife...it shivers me! Having imaginary images on HELL is too unbearable! What more on experiencing the HELL itself!

That's it i guess for now.... Maybe part 2 is coming up...maybe...because it seriously depend on my laziness...too lazy means no post...